The Master of Disguise
Pistachio Disguisey (Dana Carvey) is a bumbling waiter who discovers that he comes from a long line of masters of disguise. When his father is kidnapped by his old enemy, Pistachio must use his newfound skills to rescue him and save the day.
Perry Andelin Blake
Dana Carvey, Jennifer Esposito, James Brolin, Brent Spiner
Review
The Master of Disguise tries very, very hard to be funny. So hard, in fact, that you can almost hear the desperate wheezing of its script as it collapses under the weight of its own absurdity. Starring Dana Carvey, a comedian we all know and love (or did know and love), this movie is less “comedy” and more “painful endurance test.” Imagine getting stuck in an elevator with someone doing bad impressions for 80 minutes—that’s about the same experience.
The movie's first mistake is casting Carvey as Pistachio Disguisey (yes, that's actually his name), a man whose primary skill is, you guessed it, disguises. The character is as flat as a pancake, if that pancake were also somehow irritating and prone to inexplicably bad accents. Speaking of accents, Carvey attempts an Italian accent so exaggerated that even Mario would tell him to tone it down a notch. You’ll be wondering if you’re watching a comedy or an olive oil commercial from the '90s.
Now, let’s talk about the humour—or, rather, the attempts at humour. Picture this: you walk into a room expecting a comedy, but instead, you’re handed a plate of reheated clichés served with a side of cringeworthy one-liners. The jokes are so stale you might want to check their expiration date. From exaggerated Italian caricatures to punchlines that sound like they were recycled from a dusty joke book found at a garage sale, The Master of Disguise somehow manages to feel dated the moment it starts. The plot? Well, imagine a loosely strung-together series of skits written by someone with severe attention deficit issues. Scene transitions are about as smooth as a car hitting a speed bump at 60 mph. By the time you start to ask, “Wait, what’s happening?” the movie's already thrown you into another nonsensical disguise montage. And the disguises themselves are laughably bad... but not in the way they’re supposed to be. It's like Carvey raided the Halloween section at Walmart and called it character development. Even the most patient viewers will find themselves contemplating life choices and whether or not they left the oven on.
Then there’s the casting. Somehow, the lovely Jennifer Esposito got roped into this madness as Pistachio’s sidekick. She’s charming, she’s talented, and she looks like she’s trying very hard to rise above the chaos around her. Honestly, if the movie had just focused on her character getting fed up with Pistachio’s nonsense, it might’ve been a lot more entertaining. But alas, even her performance can’t save this trainwreck from careening off the tracks.
Dana Carvey is a genuinely funny man, but in The Master of Disguise, it’s as if his talent got lost in a bad costume. This movie is essentially an elaborate prank on anyone hoping for the quick wit and sharp characters Carvey is known for. Instead, you get Pistachio Disguisey, a character who should probably be disguised as someone else—preferably in a better movie.
Final Thoughts
Watching The Master of Disguise feels like being the victim of a practical joke that goes on way too long. You can almost hear the filmmakers snickering in the background as you sit there, waiting for a punchline that never comes. If you're craving comedy, look for anything else: maybe a toothpaste commercial, or perhaps the sound of silence. But if you do decide to give The Master of Disguise a try, don’t say I didn’t warn you. And hey, maybe it’ll at least make you appreciate good comedy when you find it again.
